guises
5:21 p.m. - 2006-05-18
i've been kind of sad lately. really sad, actually. it's better when i'm at work (and distracted) or with friends (and shown affection), but as soon as i'm alone and left to my thoughts again, i'm back to being sad. i really want to go home. like, for a while. i really miss being there and being around friends. friends...i used to have them, back in maine. it's a terrible thing when you're having a bad day, don't want to be alone, and you've only got 2 people you can call and neither is available. stuck. alone. angry that you're allowing yourself to feel this way but helpless to fix it at the moment. depressed. you'd like to say you're emotionally exhausted, but the truth is that you're far from that point and your emotions are really quite out of control.
i've been on the verge of crying for about an hour now but i keep forcing it back.
it's amazing to me that i have such dramatically different sides. the part of me that those not very close to me see is a confident, silly/sassy young woman who's been called an "old soul" more than once. the other side of me is this...this sad 22 year old who just can't seem to get things just right, who magnifies everything bad, ignores everything positive and blames herself for anything that has, or will have, gone wrong.
i'm still a work in progress, it seems.