chocolate fixes everything.
11:18 a.m. - 2003-06-16
well, i quit the job at the beach. called in today and said, "listen, i don't think i'm the right person to be working for you," and he was like, "well, it's your choice. i'm tough and i can't be anything else. i wasn't really sure if you were the right person to be working here, either." so that was that. i don't work there anymore. i still work at oscars and as soon as i get new sneakers, i'll tell them i can just walk there. 4 1/2 miles a few days a week would do me good, right? i'm walking there today and i'm sure my feet will hurt by the time i get there with these sneakers, but oh well.
i've been so depressed lately, so irritable. i really think it was just that lousy job. it's a gorgeous day today, though, and i feel really good...so relieved.
ben's birthday party was fun. we went down to heath's place in kittery. he has a dog! a cute, pudgy yellow lab named hunter. very affectionate puppy dog. anyways, we all had a good time and went to see the matrix movie again. on the way back, ben and i had a good cry because we miss each other. then i brought up the fact that i'm happy about him wanting to spend so much time with me lately, because i felt like we had evolved or something since he used to really want his space. but it turns out that a big part of him wanting to see me so often is that unlike when he was at school with all of his friends, if he isn't with me now, he's alone all the time. so it's sort of like he needs somebody, not me specifically. well, he still needs me because he loves me and i know that, it's just that i thought he felt the way about me that i feel about him. i was wrong, i guess. that makes me sad. i shouldn't have expected otherwise. i should have just asked him earlier on about why it was that he wanted to be with me so often, instead of not saying anything and building my own happy conclusions. but it's done now and i need to deal with it one way or another. i love him more than anything else in the whole world and he loves me. i just always have this desire to see him, and though i would never actually spend all of my time with him, it think it's still nice to feel that way about someone. maybe i'm weird.
i want some chocolate. i'm gonna go get some. bye everyone(c:
alliepop