effort
12:44 p.m. - 2003-12-08
i apologize for the depressing entry i left last time. i've pinpointed the problem...it's me living here. i feel so helpless because neither of my parents are happy. i don't even bother trying to help my dad because he doesn't want any and he doesn't respect me enough to sit and listen if i was to try and help him find a way to be happy. i can't remember a time when he was happy, and i don't think he can either. so he's settled with what he has. he's given up.
i can remember a time when my mother was happy. she used to be vibrant, but now she's like a shadow of her former self. i feel like there's still hope for her, though, because both of us can remember that time when she was happy. and i know she still dreams. i'm working on her, trying to convince her to go to a counselor so that somebody with a psychology degree can talk to her and help her to find the source of her problem. once you know the source of your problem, you're set. you understand yourself, why you act the way you do and how to heal yourself.
my mother recognizes that the reason i'm sad a lot is because i'm living here, around her and dad, and neither of them is putting any effort into life. she thinks i'll be fine after i move out. and i do think i'll be happier, no question, but it won't be perfect because i'll still know that the problems are there, regardless if i am around to witness them or not. but i've explained this to her, and i think she's getting closer to calling the counselor.
things aren't perfect by any means, but they are getting a little better.
-little pink ninja