iuegf
20:22:19 - 2000-05-24
i haven't written in here for a while. actually it's only been, what? 5 days? not long at all.
i realized today that sometimes i am far too influenced by others. not when it comes to important things (is there really a relevant difference?), but about small matters of opinion. and not everybody influences me this way, either. i will feel a certain way about someone or something, and then somebody (one of the few people who can affect me like this) will tell me their opinion --worded as though it is fact-- and i will go back on myself and (usually) start feeling stupid for having felt otherwise in the first place. at these crucial moments, i never stop to ask, "what if YOU are the one making more sense here?"...and i really ought to. i wind up feeling insignificant. but i s'pose the mere fact that i've picked up on all of this is a blessing.
what has happened in the past few days. my brother came home. did i say that already? oh well. he did. i made $43 at the yard sale. my school's cafeteria has installed scanners. i know not the reason, nor cost of these lovely machines. but what do i know; i'm just a bar code now. ha. my dog is definitely feeling better. i finished my stephen king book this evening. my english teacher wouldn't shut up about him a few classes ago. defending him (as if we were bashing the guy! geesh!) endlessly and then gushing about her romantic days with him. blech. my mom is happy at her job, telling me all that she can about it in the one hour per day we have together. chelsie may be coming over soon. she got a job at a different college for $10,000 more. what a gal. my throat hurts badly. maybe it's a canker way in the back. whatever it is, it kills. ouchouchouch! i passed in my history research paper. topic: the 60s. fun times. well...not quite. if you were a hippie, they were fun times. i would have liked to be a hippie. i'm trailing off. what else. oh. my father doesn't seem to think i'm worthy of common courtesy. i think he feels this way because he sees me everyday. aside from being rude, though, he simply doesn't care to talk to me. i will be in a conversation (or be trying to start one) and he will just start reading the paper. sometimes i believe i've become numb when it comes to my father. other times i realize that i want him to be there...or at least give a shit that i exist. either would do. tomorrow, weather permitting, i will be marching for 3 hours with the rest of the symphonic (and concert) band. we shall march around the track until our feet go numb. blech. well that's all for now....byebye