goingtostartsmackingmyselflikekariesoon
10:29:13 - 2000-06-04
my quote at the bottom of this page is fitting as ever. blech.
i got new jeans and khakis yesterday. i have kind of a lot of homework today. but that is okay. better to do work than spend excess time thinking too hard. i am so messed up, i really am. i try to think before i speak. and i do think before i speak. but that doesn't make me regret my words any less...even a moment after i've said them. *poof* they're out and i can't rip them back.
there are 8 days left in the school year and finals start this friday. wow. periods one and five, friday. exams in history and algebra 2. possibly the hardest day. why am i talking about tests? such a dull topic. ewww.
the kitchen smells like lilacs. there is a reason for this...there is a large vase of lilacs in the kitchen (whoaaaa). they're the white ones from the side of the house. we have purple ones as well, but some of them are dying already. hey guess what? jeff (coolbean neighbor) came down the other day, checked out our land and said, "you know...you have a LOT of blueberry bushes, aside from the ones i planted for you. i can see that the ones i planted are nothing compared to all the ones you already have." wow...shows how observant we are. ha. we also have a lot of raspberry and blackberry bushes. i love this house so much. i can't believe mom and dad want to leave it. it's perfect here.
i had a dream last night that i was a fish. i had a friend...he was a fish also, of course. we swam into a sunken ship and were checkin' out the situation and a big shark came. fled, we did! it reminded me of The Little Mermaid (my fave disney movie, btw)...i am thinking i thought of this movie because i saw a commercial yesterday with a mermaid in it. however, i hadn't made the connection yesterday between the commercial and the movie. amazing, the things your brain is doing that you don't even know about.
i'm listening to duke ellington's "satin doll"...i really want to find his tribute to martin luther king jr. i went to a concert last year in celebration of mr. ellington and they played his tribute to king. i fell in love with it but i don't know the name of it if it isn't simply "tribute to martin luther king". i will continue searching.
i don't have any classes with ben next year. that sucks muchly, he makes me laugh all the time. i hope i see him over the summer...he doesn't even have an address i can send e-mail to. arg. oooh well.
freeport was gorgeous last night. the moon was perfect- a little while after sunset. the sky was dark blue to light turquoise, and the moon was just a tiny crescent. if the stars had been out, it would have been magical. i'm reminded of a quote from American Beauty, where Ricky begins to weep as he talks to Jane about how much beauty there is in the world and how it is sometimes too much and how he feels that if he can't save it, his heart will cave in. that movie was unbelievably great.
i want to cry, there is too much on my mind. boohoo. grr somebody hit me! why do i always come off as this tough person to everyone when really i'm this meek, all-too-emotional 16 yr old girl.
loved the essay trav(c: bet you received a good grade on it, didn't you? a'course!