tonight...sare-wuh, i screwed up, i am sorry...freaks
20:15:51 - 2000-01-08
megan and sarah and karie came over tonight. they were originally gonna leave at 7 and go to a movie but that changed and they didn't go. it was so fun! they just left about half an hour ago, we were hanging out and playing card games. apparently i can be lucky sometimes. who knew? LoL.
i kinda got sarah upset tonight. i did that by not telling megan she was mean when she said little comments to sarah, and telling sarah that she was mean when she said something to megan. i try to explain to her (in the rare times when i'm articulate) that i don't do it to be mean or because i think lowly of her. it's just me joking around. it's really my way of affection with her because i dunno...it just is. but she doesn't understand this and can i blame her? nope. i guess it's cuz she's the tiniest, perkiest one out of all of us. or of everything that i know in general, for that matter. it just is the thing that i do. and i don't know what to do because i don't do it consciously and i love her so much, like a sis even, and i don't know how to help what i don't think about. i wish i did, because i feel like a total shit stain afterwards. and you know what? i just realized that she will be reading this. i'ma talk to her now.
so, sarah, when you read this, know that this is my clearest way of explaining the way i am. it's not that i like megan more than you, you guys are all like sisters and i don't play favorites. i guess it just seems that with megan's personality, that's the way i am and with your personality, i joke around a lot. but i know you don't take it as joking. you're a sensitive person like me. so i am going to try my best to be conscious of the things i say and if i slip, know that it's not that i love you any less than everyone else and i am sorry. i know what it's like to be picked on, trust me. for some reason i do it. i'm a clown, it's what i do, i guess. love ya girl.
well i am quickly getting over dave. rejection is definitely a turn off when it's just a crush you have on someone. for me, at least. because i also learned that he likes some psycho stalker freshman chick. let's review. first guy i like: likes a bitch
2nd guy i like: likes a psychopath freshman
i am, by far, not a person overflowing with confidence, but i dare say that i think it is something wrong with them, not me. SO...my problem i see is not me, but the fact that i like guys with no taste. who could make them smile? well gee...i think i could. but we prefer the bitches and stalkers. ooooo-kayyyyyy then. FREAKS. hehehe
g'night everyone, have a marvelous rest of the weekend!!!