another pensive thursday
15:23:20 - 2000-03-09
it's been one of those deep thoughts days. and i turned loser and cried at megan's house. i know, i know...it's not bad to cry. but over something that i didn't think was so bad at all yesterday, dumb. it must have just been the whole venting deal. you've got something inside that you're not s'posed to tell, but it's killing you inside because you really need to get your concerns out and blah blah blah, so once you are able to get that weight off, you cry. i cry, i mean. yeah.
it's also been one of those distant days. in general today i was fine, but at some points i just felt separated. usually i don't like the feeling but today it didn't bother me so much. 'cept for the *thing* that i so badly needed to get out. i walked in the rain today. it curled my hair.
justin talked to me today. yeah, us weirdos. we talk all the time at work in the summer and then don't speak when we are at school. we are in the same gym class. i was just a little behind him on the way down the stairs to the gym. and he subtly slowed down, investigated the gym through a windowed door until i was next to him. cute. he is a real sweetie though, and funny. i'm glad we are talking now...always room for another friend.
speaking of friends, i haven't talked to kato in a while. she just - -. hmm. well, she just doesn't know me any more, and vice versa. when we used to talk, she'd say things like, "how is school" and she is in college and that is old granny small talk. so i remembered today to add her to my buddy list. hope she turns up. she's just the type of person who started to seem old and bland at a young age. the girl next door, i suppose. she is a sweetie also. very caring. that's why i like her.
if i could change anything about myself, i think i would make my smile contagious. i love myself, i really honestly genuinely do. but that is something i have always envied some people for. even if for a day, i would like my smile to be contagious. and i don't know what the difference is, physical-wise, between a contagious and non-contagious smile, but...
oh but maybe my diary made somebody smile at some point. does that count? wait, no. no it doesn't. poo. oh well. bye