all about change
7:46 a.m. - 2003-05-23
i'm home! yes, indeedy, i took the bus back to good ol' portland yesterday and here i am in this familiar, cushion-y computer chair.
it was a relief to be with my guy for a couple of days and nights. i missed him and i needed him just as much as he needed me. he brought me flowers when i got off the bus on monday! did i mention that before? i love it. i've never received flowers in a romantic kind of way before. i like flowers. i like my boy even more. he's the sweetest eva.
i've decided to take a year off of school. it just seems like the best option for me. for one thing, i don't want to be running around like a chicken with my head cut off (ew) trying desperately to get my driver's license before courses start. and for another, until i do have my license and a car, this job situation is going to be a bit sketchy. i know that once i have my license and a car, i'll be fine because i'll be able to get to any job at any time. i could even have two if i wanted, thus allowing me to save plenty of money to go towards tuition in the year 2004. or maybe i won't want to go to school by then. i want to get a job in the restaurant industry no matter what, but i'm not worried so much anymore. i can do it. i'm thinking about taking a a short cake decorating course. i would love that.
i talked to val for a long time last night about heath and then about karie. she said something to effect of, "you've been telling me to not have any contact whatsoever with heath because you think it's unhealthy for me...well, don't you think that still e-mailing karie is unhealthy for you?" she is right, i think. the situations are slightly different, though. heath is her ex and doesn't ever want to talk to her. karie actually said in a letter to me that she misses me. if she would just send me a letter with the sentence, "i don't ever want to talk to you again, so stop writing to me," then i'd be like, okay. hey, karie, if you perhaps read this, just tell me, okay? i will disappear if that's what you want...you'll never hear from me again. but until you come out and say those things to me, i'm going to keep these shreds of hope alive. it's up to you.
in other news, i think there was some martial arts action in my dream last night. wacky! no puppies, though...bummer. ah well. i'm out.
allie