more reflections
12:50 p.m. - 2004-02-22
it's strange to think that in a matter of months, i'll be leaving all of this behind. sometimes i get worried about it but other times i feel ready. could be both, though.
i think about friends i have and how we've drifted the past few years or months, and i realize that i've been resisting this change. i need to just accept that megan and i will never be as close as we once were. neither will karie and i. and darcey and i may never be able to reacquire the excitement that our friendship held when we were at oscars.
karie and i have been trying to plan to hang out for the past few weeks but it never happens. i'm starting to wonder if that is so bad. don't get me wrong, i'm really thrilled to have her in my life again and be able to go see her at work and talk and laugh for a few minutes. it's just that i'm really starting to understand that not talking about anything ben-related means not talking about half of my life. and it's not that i don't have my own life and my own identity. i've got my new job, a potential future in real estate and a world peace initiative i'm working towards. but there's so much else to my life, too, and if i can't talk about it then it only feels like half of a friendship, because it's only half of me. does that make sense? eh, i don't know who i'm asking. this is, after all, a diary, and regardless of the fact that it's on the internet, it remains safely insignificant among the hundreds (thousands?) of others.
i think i'm starting my period as i type this. that's kind of comforting because it was late. as a result, i have been recently pondering what i would do if i was pregnant, and i've decided that i would have the baby and give it up for adoption. abortion is generally the first thing any unprepared girl/woman thinks about when she first suspects she pregnant, but i don't think i could ever do that. all right, that's enough pregnancy talk. i'm making myself nervous.
i guess i'll be off now. later, taters.
love
me