bahhh. being sick sucks.
5:37 p.m. - 2005-10-16
well, i'm kinda sick. my throat's way sore and i don't know what the deal is. i feel generally tired, too. might just be the california heat, who knows. anyways, it's my day off, hurrah!
it's been a while since i updated. i think the last time i did, i said cesar had given up on me. i was wrong. as a matter of fact, he didn't even understand that we weren't together anymore. strange, considering i had said, "it's over, i'm not your girlfriend anymore" over and over again. men, go figure. so i had him come over one night a couple of weeks ago so i could finally just say everything i had wanted to say, and to hear what he wanted from me. he still wants me, but i think that's as far as his thought process goes. he's still living with his ex and she still calls him all the time to see where he is and who he's with, which tells me that they're still together and he just doesn't realize it.
but anyway, so i was going to play it by ear and see what happened, and the strangest thing has happened...i think i'm actually wanting to give up completely on him. it'd be the first time i've ever given up on someone, be it in a relationship or just a friendship. i look at cesar now and although he can still make me smile, i am just sort of depressed beneath it all. i was trying to explain to him at work that he simply does not have room in his life for me and we should just call it quits. he was mr. denial about all that, of course. whatever.
ugh, i don't feel very good. i think i'm gonna go lie down for a bit. i'll update again soon, if anyone actually reads this and was disappointed in how uninformative this entry was.
bubye.