yep, it's another entry about the same guy.
3:45 p.m. - 2005-10-20
everyone sick of hearing me talk about cesar? yeah, i thought so. because it never ends. and i'm always changing my mind.
last night he came over and we talked, and seriously...he was more open than he's ever been. and i wound up feeling bad. not because he was trying to make me feel guilty, but because i was guilty. he was quite upset, telling me, "you know, you never even ASKED me if it was okay with me that you were seeing ben while seeing me, you just assumed. but it was really hard for me, allison, and it still is. and i'm better with it now than i used to be, but you need to give me time, i'm working on it."
and ben is upset because i'm seeing cesar again, because ben doesn't trust him at all. this situation is so hard. i guess i've made it that way. i dug this hole for myself. ben has been so f---ing amazing about all of the choices i've made and now he's really upset about this choice i am currently making, i don't know what to do. move out? stop seeing cesar? i don't want to do either, i want everything. cesar wants me to move in with him but i don't want to live without ben. ben wants me to stop seeing cesar but i love them both.
well i'd better go, gotta work the night shift tonight. catch ya'll later.
love
me