avenging stu
18:42:36 - 2000-05-17
*Avenging Stu*
�This is FOX News at Ten, thanks for joining us tonight. Earlier this evening, the body of a woman was discovered on a park bench in Littleford, covered in newspaper with an apple in her mouth. On the victim�s neck were what appeared to be bite marks. The entire detective staff will be working on this investigation and we�ll keep you updated. In other news...�
9:20PM Eggbert Who licked his lips, grinned to himself and flipped up his trench coat collar before getting into his black Porsche. It was important to remain covert in residential areas like this one. In cities, people were like cattle and never really took notice of each other. Small towns such as this one, however, harbored nosy inhabitants peering through their windows and calling each other like some underground mob chain.
They would find Vanessa soon. He hadn�t originally intended to leave her the way he did, but really, she�d brought it on herself when she made that comment about pigs being �gross.� She had insulted his favorite animal. And after all, his pet hog, Stu would�ve been hurt by her cruel words and what kind of an owner would he be if he didn�t defend his pet?? So, Vanessa had to, in turn, be humiliated eternally. It was a pity, too; she�d been good. Their fortuitous (or so she�d thought) meeting had occurred in a bar on Silver Avenue, downtown. She�d been wearing a provocative black top and tight blue jeans. Really, she�d looked quite trashy. But she was sexy and beautiful and Eggbert had been taken with her, just as she�d been taken with how debonair he�d seemed, and so wonderfully unique amongst the rest of the bar-goers there that night.
10:37PM Turning off the television set, Eggbert settled into bed. He�d watched some of the news and was pleased with how quickly the police had found Vanessa. FOX had also managed to scrape up an interview with who must have been a friend of Vanessa�s. They�d had an undeniably inimical facial expression (strange, that it had been immediate anger as opposed to grief and shock) and invective spewing from their lips, most of which was censored. All of which, of course, was aimed at the unknown perpetrator. Then there had been the interview with the town�s own imperious Chief of Police, whose promise of justice was supposedly as good as gold. Eggbert knew the type: there for the cameras, the limelight, never seen without that perfect, dramatic look of shared pain. It was all bullshit and Eggbert knew it, which was the source of his equanimity. *That pompous, no-brain cop dick will never catch me,* Eggbert thought confidently as he fell asleep. *Nobody ever catches me.*
11:40PM The station was a complete bedlam. Vick Stroudman, Chief of Police, had just gotten off the phone with the owner of Stark�s Bar, Jimmy Dukes. Vanessa Timlin had been seen with a man earlier that night. Jimmy told Vick that he�d �seen the guy around a lot, but I ain�t got no clue what �is name is. Can tell ya what he looks like, though, if it helps.� And from there, Vick and his team (mostly just his team, if the truth be told) were racing around the station, building a description of the suspect. Vick was geniunely surprised that he�d done something efficacious in relation to the case. Usually he just ate a few doughnuts and got paid for it. He hid a smirk and thought, *Oooh yeah, I�m the man.*
8:00AM Eggbert opened the door to two young detectives. They revealed their badges and told him they were investigating the murder of Vanessa Timlin (so that�s what her last name was...) and that they needed to ask him a few questions. �What is your name, sir?� one detective asked.
�Eggbert Who.�
�Eggbert who?�
�Yes, that�s right.�
�What?"
�No, no. You had it correct the first time. Eggbert Who.� *Good Lord, they�re getting dumber everyday. These are the people with whom the town trusts their lives?* Eggbert thought, amused and disgusted.
The detectives exchanged a confused glance and then shrugged. Looking back at Eggbert, the one on the right said, �Sir, you�re going to have to come with us.�
With a well-acted look of worry, Eggbert replied, �Yes...yes, okay. I�ll just get my coat.� He turned away from the two men before they could grab his arm, forcing them to follow him inside his house. The one on the left removed handcuffs from his coat pocket.
In a split second, Eggbert disappeared behind a wall and when he reappeared, he rapidly snatched up both detectives by the shirt collars, smacked their heads together and dropped them to the floor. As one of them sunk into unconsciousness, the other felt Eggbert�s fangs digging into his throat. The last thing he saw and heard was a hog snorting a few feet away, staring up at him apathetically with a big blue collar around his neck and a large gold tag jingling from it, with the name STU engraved upon it.
wow, 2 entries in one day. am i cool or am i cool.
aL