poo
16:46:33 - 2000-01-21
oh, the things i learned last night. the secrets, the deceit, the subtle betrayel. everywhere. and let's not forget the hasty decisions and excuses that threaten the welfare of other peoples' feelings...those involved directly and indirectly. and i'm Ms. Indirect herself. Along with Ms.Left-in-the-Dark, Ms. Deceived and Ms. Betrayed. I am all of these things. but i'm also *just plain me*. i tend to be a helluva lot less complex than the combination of those things above because those who are always complex frustrate me so much. this is usually due to the fact that they are only complex for attention. all this drama around me makes me wonder about who i am, what i'm not, my desires, etc.
ah, LABELS. we all have them. those of you who have lived in one place all your lives will find yourself saying, "oh, i know!!!" me, for example. i have lived in this town all my life. i have been labeled. (oh, poo.) we cannot easily CHANGE labels, because doing so would mean sacrificing who we are, just for others. but we hate labels all the same. my my, what a paradox. labels are, more often than not, incongruent (i love this word) with our true selves. thus, our irritation with them. strange, how so many different minds can always build a similar view. you'd think there might be a bit of a difference, a little individual flavor, if you will, in the separate minds of our neighbors, classmates, coworkers, etc. but there rarely is. one can STRIP themselves of a label only by moving to a different area, a place of strangers. you see, labels are placed at the very age we gain true social comprehension. personally, there is a huge ass gap between that age and my age now. i have changed a great deal since elementary school, whereas the view other people have of me has changed very little. this is why a fresh start seems so appealing, and college, like paradise.
yeah so i totally screwed up today for my band midterm. the written part went ok (i think) but the ensemble, i fucked up, and the cite-reading test, i also fucked up on. way to go, al. let's just get a little bit more nervous and maybe we can just faint cuz we're so overwhelmed.
on a happy, note, i had sooo much fun w/ *the girlz* today. we went out to eat and then they came over to my house and we hung out. well, megan had to leave early. she probably got yelled at for being late. i hope she's still employed!!! hehe, i'm sure she is(c: